Out of our heads
by LadyGertrude
Summary: It's the year of rock music. When drugs, sex and rock n roll come to life. The gangs senior year. SORT OF ANOTHER RE-WRITTEN STORY. I CAN'T SEEM TO LET IT GO. One more try. Take three!
1. Chapter 1

**OUT OF OUR HEADS**

 _"Now you've got some diamonds and you will have some others  
But you'd better watch your step, girl or start living with your mother  
so don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire" – Play with fire BY The Rolling Stones 1965_

i

Teddy said he'd pick me up at nine which means he'll pick me up at ten. So I'm actually happy when I see his car pull up in front of the post office next door at nine thirty. Luckily I'm ready. I've been ready for the past hour and I know I'm looking as good as I can get in this weather, I can feel my makeup already sweating off my face and this damn humidity has done wonders to my hair (not!)

I'm finishing the last few drags of my cigarette with my head popped out of my bedroom window and Teddy sees me looking down at him and smiles. He's not sure whether or not to get out of the car. It's no secret that Papa wishes that I wasn't dating a boy like Teddy Duchamp, I could see the blood in his veins boil silently when I told him that I'm heading out to a party with Teddy tonight. I signal for him to stay where he is and slam my window shut before spraying some perfume to cover the scent of cigarettes. I sneak one last chug of vodka I stole from my brother and hide the bottle in my underwear drawer before double checking my reflection and fixing my lipstick. I still look like shit. My hair is starting to curl again. Teasing it up straight was a bad idea!

Okay, now I'm really ready to go.

"Mmm you smell good." Teddy mumbles into my neck as he's kissing me from the driver's seat. I can't even utter a word, his lips are magic so I let him nibble at my collar bone while he blindly tries to turn the key in the ignition.

He revs the engine a few times just to let the neighbours know that Teddy Duchamp is here and he shoots me his signature grin before we ride off into the night for adventure. Every date with him in an adventure. Being with Teddy is like nothing I'd ever known. People tell me he's crazy like I don't know it, but he isn't crazy. Teddy isn't crazy. Crazy _is_ Teddy. It's the total disruption of his life. He lives in the damn basement of his Nans house who he says is a geriatric bitch. He has no sleep schedule, drinks on weeknights, wears nothing but black or grey. He tells me that he's failing school and hasn't seen or spoken to his mother in months but he still carries on drinking at the Pool Hall or the Mellow Tiger.

I watch him watch the road as we roll down Main Street. It's busy down here tonight. Families are walking down the road slowly, enjoying the last bit of Summer. there's a late night session at the picture theatre. People are lining up ready to sit in the cool air conditioned theatre licking their ice creams and slurping up frozen colas. I wind the window down to get some air Teddy turns his face to me and does the same with his window. We breathe the fresh air in silence. Before I know it, my hair is pulled up into a bun and Teddy smiles. He likes my hair up. He says I have cute ears and a sexy skinny neck. I laugh again fighting his lips away from me, "Keep your eyes on the road, Theodore! 10 and 2!" I joke.

"Yes, Ma'am." He salutes and places his hands on the wheel for a short while before changing gear as we slide onto Lincoln Street.

"Are you ready to party?" He asks as we pull into a dark corner on the curb of the road. His eyebrows wiggle jokingly. He turns off the ignition and brings his face closer to mine. I can't help but feel apprehensive now. Out from nowhere I'm suddenly self-conscious of my hair and my melting makeup. There's probably none left on my face. I struggle to find a slither of my reflection in the car window but no luck. He's parked us under the darkest spot in the street away from the streetlight.

"C'mon…" His breath is on my neck and he's tugging at my shorts.

Why did I decide to wear shorts!? I'm kicking myself now. These are so hard to take off. I wriggle into the backseat. Fuck the lipstick. Fuck the makeup! I decide.

It's almost ten now, we can hear the party at the end of the street. We are in the swanky side of Castle County tonight- Castle View. This is a nice street. Even the street signs and street lights are nicer looking than ours, wait, there's no street signs on our side of town. We don't need them. Only Main Street as a sign but that's because of the " _Welcome to Castle Rock. Population: 1314"_

Teddy hands me a cigarette, knocking me out of my thoughts. I take it and inhale. The vodka from before is wearing off and now I'm not so ready to party. I want to go to bed and school starts in a few days and I'll be a senior. I've got a lot of decisions to make this year. What do I want to do with my life? I want to go home but Teddy wants to stay out. I shouldn't have worn those shorts. I decide and I'm suddenly uncomfortable with my outfit choice. We're walking towards Laura's party and I keep pulling my shorts down. My thighs are starting to rub together. I hate this heat! I keep cursing myself for these stupid high waist shorts and knotted midriff. No matter how much I try to pull, the knot won't let up. I feel like a blob of black, red and white.

I want to hide as we walk through the door. I want to go home but I can't now. Laura has seen me and she makes a run for me as she calls out my name, skipping and smiling. "Lucky!" She hugs me. I hug her back and I'm genuinely happy to see her. She's one of my closest friends and she's beautiful!

She looks like a young Brigitte Bardot tonight and I run my hand through her platinum blonde bangs, "Wow!" I say, "I love your hair." She smiles and touches mine.

"No. I wish I had yours. So dark and so long." I roll my eyes. She has no idea how beautiful she is. Sometimes she's not very smart though.

Every year for the past three years her parents had allowed her the chance to throw a party for her and some friends (which meant I've been invited to every one of those parties since we were fourteen.) But this year to make it special, she had invited everyone from the class of '65 so every senior over Castle County had gotten wind of the occasion. This was already a huge turnout.

By the time Laura and I had walked to the drinks table together, Teddy had vanished. Not like I didn't expect it or anything. She poured me a vodka and mixed in some orange juice and called it a screwdriver as she handed it to me, "My dad drinks them all the time." She was proud of her bartending skills and hot damn! It was good.

"Where are your parents this time?" I ask.

"Boston. I think." She rolls her eyes. Her parents frequently skip town for days at a time leaving Laura on her own. Her father leaves her a $100 bill to fend for herself for the time they're gone. Laura doesn't talk much to her mother either because she barely sees her. When she's home, she seems disinterested or tired. Laura's upbringing must have been lonely. Sometimes it seems she was born as an adult- she's so self-sufficient and organised but other times I think she's still a giant child who needs attention, needs to be held and needs to be soothed. Especially since her last relationship with the town dropkick, Ace Merrill. She was dumped on her ass after an ugly argument outside the Pool Hall just a couple of months ago. She has a taste for the unpredictable bad boy. I tell her every time that she's going to be left heartbroken but she doesn't listen. I picture her as a perpetual baby and I'm the one rocking her in my arms, telling her it's alright.

The thought of it makes me need another drink. Laura is now talking to some classmates and I realise I've drank all my drink. I attempt to recreate her masterpiece and decide to go outside. I've already got a cigarette hanging out of my mouth just waiting to be lit up.

My damn shirt keeps riding up! I'm overly aware of the fact that people can see parts of my stomach. I'm trying my hardest to suck it in with every inhale. Where he fuck is Teddy!?

"Hey."

I turn around to see Chris Chambers approach me. I inadvertently step away from him, he kind of intimidates me. Not like he's going to hurt me, but the guy is just weird.

I don't know what he wants me to say so I take a puff before he gives me more of the creeps, "What do you want?" I snap. He's looking at me longer than he ever has before.

"You gotta light?" He asks before taking another step closer.

 _Back up buddy._

Seriously, where the hell is Teddy? I scan around the scene of the yard quickly before I pull a pack of matches from my shorts pocket and kind of throw them at him from the distance I created. Great! I feel bad for him now that he's dropped the packet and gets to his knees to pick them up. Now I'm cursing myself for just throwing them at him. The poor guy is standing here on his own. Where are his friends? I step towards him and I've got no idea how to start a conversation.

He doesn't say much else, just hands me the packet back and quite gently I might add.

"Thankyou." He said. The first and only few words he's spoken to me in twelve years. We've been in the same grade together for twelve years.

Teddy's told me stories of how he and Chris and Gordon Lachance and Vern Tessio used to be friends in elementary school. Chris was the coolest guy he knew. I never thought much of him. He never spoke much to anyone. I've heard the rumours, we've all heard the rumours around town. His Dad was an alcoholic and used to beat him and his brother pretty bad. I sometimes wondered if his dad beat him so bad that he had lost some brain cells. I remember hearing that his brother, Eyeball had moved to Portland after his Dad passed away. My Pa said Mr Chambers got what he deserved. Mr Chambers was not a nice person when he got drunk. He had come by to the family deli while drunk and threatened my brother while he was working. My brother used to hang around his son and I'm sure they used to get up to no good. When my brother, Merrick had come home with a bruised cheek and swollen eye (it was a poor hit) well, Mr Chambers had made an enemy for life.

"Lucky!"

I was so relieved to have my name called and somewhere else to pay my attention.

I'm engulfed by a chubby set of arms and pulled into the familiar embrace of Bethany Ward who was followed by her boyfriend, Vern Tessio.

Vern then came up and scruffled the top of my head. "Hey kiddo." He teased with me before turning his attention to Chris. Suddenly the mood was comfortable and we were all talking.

Vern had grown from a pussy of a kid to a beast of a young man. His claim to popularity was the time he had beat the hell out of one of the biggest guys in the grade back in Junior High. He wasn't a jock and he wasn't academically gifted but everybody just knew him, he talked to everybody and that's how he met Bethany. Bethany is the most beautiful person you could meet and she's my best friend. I don't tell Laura that because she always has to be the favourite and the centre of attention. Bethany is such a warm hearted person and comes from a strict Catholic family but she has a bit of a wild streak (her own version of wild, not mine) in fact, Bethany and Vern met when she had skipped Sunday school one weekend. (Wild, huh?) Vern followed her into town, just talking like he always does and when it started to rain he gave her his jacket. They had been inseparable ever since that rainy day.

"Where's Duchamp?" Vern had said loud enough to stop my conversation with Beth.

I honestly have no idea, but what do I say? There's the perfect couple here right in front of me when I haven't seen my boyfriend since the moment we walked through the front door, what do I say? Christopher Chambers is also looking at me with that serious expression he always wears. I don't want to look pathetic in front of him but why?

Bethany looks at me concerned but I just shrug. "Gone to get us some drinks, I suppose." Is all I can think of saying? I want to punch myself in the face. I want to punch Teddy too.

Gordon Lachance steps through the back door and the screen slams shut behind him. He's carrying a drink in each hand and his smile is ear to ear at the sight of Vern and Chris together. "Well, well, well. Looks like the gang is almost here. Where's Teddy?" He was laughing. He couldn't know that he's been missing since we walked through the door together. I try to glance at the time from Vern's watch without making it obvious. It's close to 11.

Gordie hands Chris a drink only to have it swatted away. "I aint drinkin' tonight." His voice sternly directed itself at Gordie.

"It's lemonade dude." He smiles and looks at the drink, "No wait, this one is the lemonade." He laughs and can't remember which drink is which. He's already tipsy and I can't help but smile. He's kinda funny.

"Oh wait, I don't think any of these are lemonade." And by the grace of God, he hands me the drink.

I taste it as the warmth rolls down my throat. I needed this. It was rum and cola. It will do the job and settle my uneasiness. I want to go home now.

My eyes search across the wide back garden for him and there he was, right by the edge of the garden and hidden from the flame of a bonfire. Ladies man, Teddy Duchamp. He had zoned in on Laura- Little Miss Popular. Her hands touching his forearm while the two were engaged in a close conversation.

Holy shit.

What is this?

What are you doing Teddy?

I'm paralysed. I can't move. I can't act. I'm stuck here watching the two of them talk (that's fine. Two people can talk) I'm arguing with myself. Should I be mad? I need another drink. I'm sweating more than usual now. My armpits are so sticky.

Gordie is pretty drunk. He's talking to Chris about Teddy, he doesn't even notice that I'm standing here and Bethany is tugging at my hand, "Let's go." She's pleading with me.

Gordie's laughter is my background music. "The dude's only got one ear for God's sake."

Vern is telling Bethany to let me go.

"Eh it's kind of an ear. It's more than just one ear." Chris replied.

More background music. More laughter.

"Dried apricot."

This time it was Vern who let a small giggle slip.

"Shut up Vern!" Bethany was snapping at him and she was marching off into the direction of Laura and Teddy. Vern followed. I still couldn't move.

I decided right now that I don't care. I convince myself that I don't notice. I just need a drink.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks to** **starryeyedwr1ter** **,** **FirstCome-FirstStaked** **and Anonymous person (who ever you are)**

 **Thank you for your kind reviews, you made me smile.**

 **Yes, I do plan on writing more but life gets so hectic and things get in the way but I always come back here. Thanks for the patience.**

 **I've been really stuck into reading Caroline Kepnes' YOU and HIDDEN BODIES and I've been so enthralled with it that I think the narration of them has sort of followed me into writing this. I've been struggling with finding the right tense to use so I find that I'm jumping around with it. I apologise, and hopefully it falls together somewhat.**

* * *

ii

What am I even drinking? I dunno. I don't care. It smells like orange juice or something. I can't stop shaking and I don't know if it's the anger or the alcohol but I down the substance anyway.

Vern put a hand on my shoulder, "You okay?" He asks. I shrug him off and I don't know what to think. "Teddy's looking for you."

"Tell him to go fuck himself." I seethe, "No, Laura." I shake my head. "Whatever fits."

Vern tries to steer me away from the crowd of people gathered in Laura's open living room but I shake him off. I'm too drunk to deal with this, I want to go home.

The rest of the night is a blur. I've had so much to drink and the next thing I know is that I'm in the living room dancing with some douchebag from the View. He's okay for a rich kid, I mean, he's blonde and has a nice smile . I didn't catch his name though but his hands feel nice on my hips. I wish Teddy was here dancing with me like this but I need a distraction.

I couldn't shake the image of Teddy and Laura out of my head. I kept repeating the moment of seeing him so close to her mouth, and her hand on his arm through my head.

Then someone called _tequila!_ There were shots going all around.

The same blonde guy poured me a shot or two and another one after that. I don't even know if he introduced himself but he pulled me towards the makeshift dance floor and began to dance the Freddie to _'Do the Freddie'_

I really didn't want to drink tonight. I wish I could drown myself in this glass right now as I chug the rest of it and throw it on the carpet. Fuck Laura! I hope the glass shattered and stains the carpet.

Just as the song changed over and I begin to get into the groove of the 'Locomotion' someone yanks me away from by my forearm. It's Teddy.

"What the hell, Lucky?!" His voice rings in my ear. "You go missing and I find you with some other asshole?" His hands gripping tighter around my wrist.

I glare at him through glazed eyes, "This assholes name is," I pause to remember it "Peter." I lie. "His name is Peter." I repeat matter of factly. "And at least he won't ditch me, like you." I pry myself out of his grip.

"So you cosy up with someone else? You're insane!" Teddy had yelled in my face, literally. I could smell not only the alcohol but the tang on his breath from dinner. I felt physically sick and I knew I was overreacting. I always do, he says so himself.

"Actually, my name is Paul." Paul takes my hand from Teddy's grip and pulls me with him, "Why don't you take a hike, you psycho." He snaked an arm around my waist as though I was his now. _Bad mistake buddy,_ I raise an eyebrow at him and swing my eyes towards Teddy anticipating his next move.

I knew that Teddy wasn't having it, "What did you call me?" His voice was level and patient. I could see his eyes turn to steel. "I dare you to say it again!" Teddy was leaning towards a fight although Paul towered over him.

I step backwards, knowing that Teddy wanted to fight. Teddy hadn't given the poor guy a chance to react and he'd busted his lip with a swift hit. Paul stumbled and swayed with shock before delivering a hit of his own.

"...The Hell's your problem, freak?"

"You are!"

The heat had risen in my throat to my mouth and I vomit on myself. When I open my eyes I find myself standing halfway between the patio and screen door of Laura's house. Gordie is hosing me down with the garden hose and I can't stop myself from crying.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thanks! WhenPigsFly2018 You made me laugh. And where have you been? I've been following your fic "Stand With Me" it's really good.**

 **I appreciate your reviews and support, you're all really nice. I accept criticism too :)**

 **Anyway, here we go.**

* * *

 _"Ther've been good times_

 _Ther've been bad times_

 _I have my share of hard times, too_

 _But I lost my faith in the world_

 _Honey, when I lost you"- Good Times, Bad Times BY The Rolling Stones 1964_

 _iii_

The sound of heavy footsteps stirred me from sleep and I could feel the heat of the sun on my face, I was pobably gonna get sunburnt. There were a few moments of bliss before the headache and the memory of last night flood my brain.

I'm on a tattered sofa in my underwear and the room smells like cigarettes mixed with sweat. I know where I am before the sickness hits me and I shield my eyes from the sun before opening them. Ace still hasnt replaced the curtains since the time he and my big brother, Merrick had almost thrown Fuzzy out the window one drunken night.

He places a glass of water in front of me. "You look like shit."

"Fuck off Ace..." I can't even lift my head off the pillow.

He throws a t-shirt and a pair of boxers at me. "Get dressed."

I cover my face with my hands in protest but sense him still lingering over me on the couch.

"C'mon Midge, move it! I got shit to do" He popped a toothpick in his mouth, "and people to see!"

I pieced together already that in a druken state I must have crawled here looking for a place to crash but the entire night was a write off.

I will myself to not throw up as I finally get up and changed into the clothes that Ace had thrown at me.

I take two steps from the couch into the kitchen where Ace is and notice his top was not as loose on me as it used to be. I knew I'd gained weight these past few months and I try to cover myself up.

"So what'd he do to ya this time?" He asks, not even looking at me.

"This time?"

"You heard me." He moved around some plates on the kitchen bench while waiting for a response.

"We all told ya about Duchamp before this." He persisted.

This was true.

Teddy was also a regular at the Pool Hall along with the Cobra's and my brother, Merrick. It was safe to say that when Merrick Radić had his concerns about someone, it was up to the gang to do some digging. So when Teddy was seen with me more regularly, Merrick became concerned.

The Cobras called Merrick 'King Cobra' not because he was the leader, no that was still Ace's position but because of his size and because of his behaviour like the King Cobra himself. He was the quiet one- the quiet but strong one. Unlike the rest of the guys, he steered away from confrontation except when provoked. But just like Ace, Merrick also has nasty streak.

"C'mon Ace, just leave it alone." I'm too hungover for this. I push him out of the way and turn on the tap to refill my glass with water, "Besides, what does it matter? Either way you guys still hate him."

"He's an asshole, Midge." Midge was Ace's nickname for me since I don't remember when. I hated it when he called me a midget as kids but somehow 'Midge' was easier to hear and it stuck. I was the smallest kid out of the grade every year in school until probably now, I realise as I pull at Ace's shirt hoping for it to give some stretch around my chest. Plus I've never been tall, I never will be either.

"Oh and you're so much better?"

"You better watch it, kid." He pointed a finger at me, his stare telling me to watch myself.

"You're lucky your brother is one of us or your ass would have been left out in a ditch somewhere last night." He growled lowly.

I hoisted myself up on the bench comfortably knowing I was getting in his way.

Ace groaned, "Do you know how much of a pain in my ass you are?" He gestured at me sitting on the bench.

"Do you wanna know what happened or not?" I could see his expression change when his eyes narrowed upon my grin and mirrored my own sarcasm.

"I really couldn't give a shit."

Sometimes I hate his stupid Goddamn face and for a brief moment, I hate him now. What a prick!

Then he stops the charade of an asshole and I feel guilty for thinking what I did.

"Look, sweetie I just hate what this guy does to ya." I can tell it hurt him to say that.

I'm too stunned to respond. He can probably see my eyes falling out of their sockets in surprise. What the fuck did he just say? Was that fucking sincerity in his voice? I'm speechless, and then, he continues to speak!

Ace sighed, forcing himself to push his words out. "I saw ya last night drenched, shiverin and cryin' and honestly it scared the shit outta me. I never seen ya outta control but you didn't know what was up or down and nobody knew what to do."

"I was just drunk. I threw up on myself and Gordie hosed me down."

"But where the fuck was _he_!?" He yelled, like I knew the answer.

"I don't fucking know!" I wish I did though.

He clicked his fingers at me, "That's my fuckin' point because he wasn't there."

I tried to remember what happened after we had that argument. I vomited. I ran and vomited on the porch, Vern and Gordie were there. Bethany had gone to get me water. Gordie hosed me down and then I must have passed out. It dawned on me that Teddy didn't run after me, he must have just left. He left me there.

"Wait," I had to gather my memory and swallow down a threatening upchuck. "How did you know he wasn't there?" I had to chug more water before I could speak, man, my head was beginning to throb like Charlie Watts was performing a drum solo inside it. "You went to the party, didn't you? Why?"

"Well, the Tiger closed early. What the fuck else am I gonna do on a Sat'day night?" He spat the toothpick out of his mouth and replaced it with an unlit cigarette. "Good call, I'd say. Wouldn't you?" He offered me a smoke but declined. All I want to do is shower and brush my teeth.

"Did I ruin your chances of gettin' skirt?" I couldn't help but joke.

He made a sound in his throat that sounded like I did, "It aint the first time either."

I stare at him like he just grew horns on his head. He's talking about Laura Russo.

"Ace, why would you want to crash a party at your exs house anyway?" I jump off the counter to join him, sitting at the kitchen table. "It's not my fault you went there and I was fucked up. And it sure as hell isn't my fault you and Laura broke up!"

I can't say I'm sorry that they broke up either. Just like Ace hates my taste in men, I hate Laura's taste in men. I knew he only liked her looks and the fact that she had a nice house and didn't often have her parents around.

Laura told me that she wanted him to stray away from the 'Cobras' and drinking but I knew that wasn't likely. I'd tried telling her that he wasn't going to change; Ace is the one person that hasn't changed. And no way would it be for a blonde high school girl he's known for two minutes!

His face remained calm and expressionless as usual. He had the knack of remaining cool in heated situations, something I wish I had.

"I don't care about that shit. I care about you."

I lean back in the chair when it hits me. Looking at him, he's avoiding eye contact, fiddling with the butt of his cigarette. My hero- Ace Merrill.

I realise he's still shitty about me rejecting him a year ago. We went on one date. He drove us to the peak of Castle County and we watched the sunset. Romantic, right?

The most romantic thing anyone has done for me actually, but the whole night was akward.

He's my big brothers friend and I've known him my whole life so I guess it was better left there.

Laura wanted him to stray from the Cobras, from Merrick- from me.

He refused and left her at the bar.

Now she wanted Teddy.

I think I'm gonna be sick again.


End file.
